I can say, out of respect to the thousands of peers surrounding me, that we’ve survived. Us, whom chose to stand up and arise from different rooftops to scream from the top of our longues that we’re alive.
It’s nothing to be alive, it’s everything to feel alive. I didn’t understand that until I reached adulthood.
I thought feeling alive was somehow linked to how many parties you crashed, how much money you make, how many beers you can drink or how many people have seen you naked to the fullest extent. But it’s none of those things.
Life teaches us that once you have the most respect for yourself, you won’t desert or try to desert how you feel or who you feel you are, inside. When I turned eighteen, everything needed to be fast.
Pills, parties, needed to last until the next one came. Boys, girls, needed to be a physical representation of a ghost. I didn’t need to see or hear them unless I called on them.
Fitting in, always was my biggest flaw. I’ve learned not to try, to proof who I am. I’d rather let my personality speak for itself.
In the highest of battles I might not win, but I keep reminding myself that even when I do, it’s about going not about getting there. I’ve been speaking to a lot of artists, some up and coming, some already at a certain goal they’ve set for themselves.
Yet all of them tell me that they’re unhappy. Writers, poets, singers, rappers, dancers, all equally unhappy. When I asked them why, they asked me where I get the most inspiration to do something different and then I realized it. My pain, is my muse.
The thing they’ve got in common, although some less then others. Is that they rather be a rainbow than just some shade of grey.
Proving to me that life has brought me to a point where I can choose to either follow the path others have paved for me or to form something entirely new.
I might not be the brightest shining star at the moment, but that itself is outrageous to ask from someone who has always dimmed his light so others could shine. I might need some time to heal, but then again don’t we all? Life is weird because at some point in time you’re living.
Just letting everything slowly pass you by and the next it’s faster than ever, you feel alive. New, loved.
We are, stronger from every scar. Brighter than any star. Hollow moments might come in which we rejoice that at some point the good will follow.
We, eventually, can’t bow down to darkness. Because the toughest and darkest we had to face, was our own.
Living most of my days from an outcast perspective, I understand how you might feel. Sitting in the front row because you want someone to notice your intelligence. Sitting in the back row because you’re lost in your world of writing and drawing. I’ve talked a lot about fear these last few weeks, because I felt like September was a month you were still allowed to be afraid. The world changes around us so much at that moment. But we’ve all risen above that. We’ve all surpassed that point of being sorry for ourselves.
It’s time we stand up and do what we’re supposed to do. Instead of what the world wants us to do.
Believe in yourself.